Living in a D/s relationship 24/7 as I do, is the same as a vanilla relationships in many respects, particularly where real life is involved. The kids have to go to school, the weekly food shopping needs doing, the house needs cleaning and everyone needs to eat. Obviously there are also a lot of differences, especially where one person takes control as my Master does in our Power Exchange.
An analogy could be to compare day to day life with a dance – let’s say a tango! I have chosen a Tango as to me this dance is full of passion, sexiness together with a touch of drama. Let’s face it drama has to be included because it happens to everyone whether you like it or not. I also chose this dance because the man leads with such conviction, and he maintains a firm hold of his partner. The moves he makes are strict and formal, yet there is a softness and beauty in the way a couple move around the dance floor. That’s not to say that the person being led is a push over. They appear to fight against the one leading the dance, just as I have an ongoing struggle with my submission or more specifically the handing over of control.
In a D/s relationship, one person leads and the other person follows. In order to maintain the togetherness of the dancers, there needs to be a sort of silent communication. The flow of the dance is preset – one step follows another, and you know exactly how many steps are taken before a turn, just as you know in real life how many pints of milk you need each week, or when that monthly bill will arrive. As in everyone’s life, the unexpected can and does happen, perhaps you are on a crowded dance floor and you have to make a minor change in direction to avoid bumping into someone, or maybe the tempo of the music alters. The person leading is the one to make the decision – which direction should we take?, or we need to change momentum and slow things down for a while.
This is the same in my relationship as my Master is the one who makes all the decisions, he decides what we are going to do, for example if we are out, he will decide where we will eat or what time we should return home. An example of a change in momentum in our relationship was when we had an enforced no play at home period. For approximately 3 months we had the children full time due to Master’s ex wife being in hospital. It wasn’t something that could be avoided, and as we have the no play rule when the kids are in the house, it was just something we had to deal with. It seemed like I was going to explode through not being able to get a release through play, as we were also not able to attend many parties either. Thankfully we managed to get through this period without too much of a problem.
One of the main reasons that we succeeded was due to the communication that goes on between us. We are constantly checking in on each other and I always feel able to discuss any worries or concerns that I may have with my Master. Even when I am bothered by something, my Master is so in tune with my moods that he can see it sometimes before I have got to the point where I can form a clear picture regarding the problem. Communication is the key that holds everything together. It’s a necessity for both parties to participate. Even talking about the smallest fear or worry is important, so that it isn’t given the room and air to grow and fester.
To use the analogy of the dance again, when one of us (most probably me), has an issue or concern with something, its like missing a step or stumbling during the dance, but as my Master holds me tight, caring for me and guiding me, he lifts me up, not letting me fall thus allowing the dance to continue seamlessly.
The difficulty of the dance and its level of complexity could be used to represent the level of protocol, with a more complicated routine indicating a high protocol event, when I must follow the stricter rules of behavior that it implies. A softer slower routine would indicate normal day to day life where basic rituals are in place, ones that are done in an almost completely natural way now, such as putting on his shoes, or kneeling before him when we are alone before we eat. These small practices fit so rhythmically into our lives now that they flow smoothly within our own personal dance.
It is also interesting to see that there is an equality even when the whole dynamic of a D/s relationship suggests an inequality. My Master allows me to run the house effectively, I do all the cooking, cleaning and washing, and in return I receive his love, support and guidance. That’s not a fair exchange you might think, and if you examine it on a physical and practical level then you would be correct. What you have to look at are the hidden things that are given and experienced by both parties. My Master gets a nice clean home with all his clothes ready for him and food as he desires. What I get is a sense of purpose, I know that what I do pleases him, and it makes me happy to see everything neat and tidy – a job well done, and its the sense of joy and happiness that fulfills me and helps me as a slave to continue along this path. Its the fact that our Dominance and submission is so entwined that makes the dance work, each one giving and taking as they need.
Together we continue learning to read each other more clearly, to gauge how support each other, allowing the flow of the dance to become as natural and graceful as possible.