Headspace – Daring

Dictionary Definition of daring:

To be daring: A person adventurous or audaciously bold
Intrepid, fearless, brave, unafraid, unshrinking, dauntless, valiant

– To dare: To have the courage to do something; To defy or challenge to do something

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. Theodore Roosevelt

I really like the quote from Roosevelt, mainly the words and the meaning but also because of the way the text flows as you read it. It almost makes it’s meaning stronger. I wish my writing would read like that but I don’t think I’m there, well at least not yet.

The quote to me is about daring to be yourself, trying to be as authentic and honest as you can be. Life is like entering that arena. Each day we choose how we are going to be and how we are going to allow the rest of the world see us and affect us.

We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be. May Sarton

Daring to be ourselves can be a choice we make at any point during a normal day, whether it’s how we greet friends and family, how we choose to portray ourselves online, or maybe when we socialize at a pub munch for example. The thing that can stop us dead in our tracks and make us hesitate and perhaps opt out of being ourselves and instead conform to the norm is shame. That’s the little voice in your ear, you know the one, it’s the one that tells you that you are not good enough, that you’re not perfect and that everyone will find out that you are a fraud, and that if you don’t conform you will stick out like a sore thumb, and you don’t want that do you!

The truth is that your own worst critic is yourself, I know it is in my case, I find myself doing it all the time. My Master often comments that he doesn’t need to critique me, as I do just fine all by myself finding fault in what I do, thinking that what I do is not good enough.

Once you realize that this is the case, half of the battle is won, but it’s an easy trap to follow on by building yourself up to be better than you actually are. However, the people that matter the most around you just want to see you as you are, they want that authentic real deal because that’s what makes you you and what makes you special. They are the ones to offer you support and help, they are the ones to pick you up when you fall.

One of the main feelings in life that leads to feelings of imperfection, a sensation that us submissives suffer from a lot, is scarcity. It’s that overwhelming feeling of “never enough”, it’s where you become overwhelmingly aware of you own shortcomings. We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others, constantly calculating what we have and don’t have. The trouble is that we are often comparing ourselves to our own fictional idea of how others are. What we need to do is to reach a point where we believe that we are enough. One way to begin to do this is by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. Many think that that’s a sign of weakness but in fact it’s all about feeling and being honest about who you are. Without vulnerability how can we love, belong, feel joy, show empathy and courage and be creative. Without vulnerability how can you let go of the control, in that very moment that’s when you allow your dominant to access those feelings that help it all make sense.

Take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare Dale Carnegie

A few people that I have met have honored me by calling me brave because I left my comfortable easy life in the UK, to move to Sweden to live with my Master. I didn’t really think about it much at the time, as I had a few years previously started with a mentality of “Just do it”, as so many times due to my hesitation and procrastination I had missed out on opportunities. I knew that I could always return to the UK if things didn’t work out. Thankfully they did, but that’s another story. What I didn’t do at the time was to listen to that little voice that told me not to go, that told me not to move away from my comfort zone, that told me that it was bound to fail and boy would I look stupid when I went back to the UK.

Instead I dared to just do it. I packed my bag and boarded that flight, traveling along my path into the unknown. I knew I was not alone and by being able to be open and honest about my feelings, I was able to share my vulnerability with my Master, and I continue my journey, daring greatly.

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