My Master and I have recently returned home from presenting at the Rome BDSM conference. It was an amazing experience for me, being immersed in such an open, sharing and supportive environment for three full days. I had the great pleasure of meeting other presenters and participants from many parts of the world including Canada, America, Japan and of course Italy. Everyone shared stories and experiences, without judgement or bitchyness. There was a wide range of workshops available from Power Exchange to Bootblacking, Fear play to Ball busting. There was also a very large rope contingent there, so there was literally something for everyone.
When we were not busy presenting, we tried to attend other presenters workshops, and the ones we managed to see were excellent. We learnt something new or at least understood someone elses perspective at each workshop.
Understanding or at least appreciating someone elses perspective, point of view or opinion is a major factor here in this community. We are all human beings, with our own way of doing things, we have our own beliefs, and our own needs and desires. Many of which we might share with others but because of the human drive to be unique and different to the next person, no one person is alike.
It’s very easy to be critical of others, we all do it, I know I do. Not just in terms of BDSM but in real life too. For example, driving around in the car, I can easily comment on someone elses driving skills – “Oh they didn’t indicate!”, “Look at that idiot overtaking there of all places!”, or “He didn’t give that cyclist much room”. I do it everyday but only those in the car can hear me – so what’s the harm?
Well maybe there is no harm, as the people it’s directed to can’t hear me, I certainly wouldn’t do it face to face, but it does make me critical of others rather than being accepting of their unique driving style. Did they cause harm to others?, Did they contribute to an accident? Chances are people are thinking the same about my unique driving style, but the key is that it is private and discreet. Obviously if it was something more serious, for example committing a offence then as good citizens, I’m sure we would notify the necessary authorities. What is my point? Well as I said it’s very easy to be critical of others and in this community it’s very open to drama caused, in a lot of situations by a difference of opinion.
There is a saying that is used a lot and I use it a great deal especially when I see new things in the scene that I don’t have experience of – yet!
Your kink is not my kink but your kink is ok
It’s a shame more people don’t use it.
There are so many kinks within the scene and so many derivations, that you must be a very accepting and amazing person if you accept every single kink going.
I’m not particularly interested in the latex or the rubber side of things. I have been to parties where people have been dressed in some amazing latex outfits, and yes, I’m impressed. But that’s it, I appreciate the aesthetic value of it but it certainly doesn’t make me horny or make me want to run over and lick them! I love what they are doing – expressing their kink in a way that makes them happy. I don’t criticise them for it or tell them they shouldn’t flaunt their kink in front of others, just because it isn’t my kink. I accept it as part of the multi faceted wonderful world that we are involved in.
My Master and I are part of a leather family and we are generally considered to be quite hard players within our local scene. We tend to experiment with activities that are generally considered as edge play such as Electro play, Fire play and needles etc.
I don’t really think of it as being edgy or hard because it’s what I am used to. Some people have a hard time watching us play, and end up walking away, but most come back and ask questions after the scene has ended. What a lot of people react to when I play in public with my Master is my crying. Yes I cry, I scream, and I shout sometimes – it’s just what I do! It’s cathartic for me, it allows all those pent-up frustrations to be drawn out of my system. It’s such a good feeling, being able to just let go and empty the system, a wonderful feeling of being refreshed. My Master also enjoys seeing the mascara run down my face, it does something for him and that in turn feeds back to me. I am sure this makes some people uncomfortable but I don’t mind explaining this to those that ask.
Peoples reactions to scenes or even pictures of the bruises and marks left after a session are interesting too. I use FetLife a lot, and can often be found looking at the Kinky & Popular page and as anyone who is familiar with FetLife knows, most of the photos there are of female body parts, they don’t always have that much of a kinky or BDSM theme, they are just showing off naked bodies. Well that’s ok, if that’s what some people want to look at. It’s not my thing, or my kink but its ok. I don’t have to look or make some comment, I just look through the page for the sort of articles that I want to read.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article we have just come back from Rome. Along side the three days of workshops, there were also two play parties. Two big rooms full of equipment. One set up mainly for rope, with a large frame system set up that allowed four different groups of people to play at once. The other room was set up with stocks and various bondage frames.
On both days we started the play parties by watching the action in the rope room. It was calm and quiet, with soft lighting – very relaxing. Rope is not our thing, not our kink but it was a joy just to sit calmly and quietly and watch other skilled practitioners show off their expertise. There was a Japanese Shibari expert – who quietly and confidently played with one of her models. What struck me was the silent connection between them, no words were uttered but ropes were tied and undone as the dance continued between them. There was a beauty in what they did that I enjoyed watching. The second day I really enjoyed watching one of the american presenters do her own thing! Self bondage in a public dungeon! She proceeded to tie rope harnesses to herself and then attached herself to ropes connected to the frame. What happened next looked like something out of Cirque du Soleil. She spun around and around in different directions, completely on her own, making her own decisions. She looked so free and at ease, not something I would do, but it was amazing to watch. I enjoyed the grace and skill she displayed.
My Master played with me a few times, using whips and floggers, some electro play and of course Mr Scratchy. We did our usual intimate close play, and of course I cried and moaned, people stopped and watched, some maybe didn’t appreciate what we were doing, it probably wasnt their thing – which is fine – no one interrupted or came back to complain. Our scenes were consensual, we are both aware of any risks we are taking but we do what works for us, we do what we enjoy.
My Master also had the opportunity to play with some of the other visitors. Mainly as an educator particularly with the Electroplay equipment but also on the first evening with impact play.
There was a young lady there who was quite new to the scene. She was being given some advice about various types of whips. Together with another dominant, my Master demonstrated on a more than willing young man the various equipment you could use on someones bottom. Well long story short, this young man had a very red and marked bum by the end of the demo. He thoroughly enjoyed himself – he was a pure masochist! His consent was given and he could have stopped the demo at any time. He went away very happy.
During the second play party this young man approached my Master, asking for a whipping session. Well because we already had some experience of this young man, my Master accepted the request. What happened next was a hard Single Tail session. The room went quiet, and a ring of observers formed. The young man was asked several times both in English and in his native Italian if he gave his consent and it was very clear that this is what he wanted. I kept a close eye on the young mans condition, and slowed the play at some points. My Master stopped just before the skin broke, but the young man would have continued if he had let him. Anyway, he was most happy with the play he had, and my Master had the opportunity to let his monster out, although on a leash, just for a little bit and that was that, the observers dispersed happy that the young man was ok, and appreciative of being able to watch such a session. It might not have been their thing but they shared the experience.
My Master has since released a photo of this young mans back, taken the day after the session, onto a kinky website here in Sweden. It’s quite obvious that the photo has been edited, he made it look a bit old and grungy! I saw the back in real life and yes it was heavily marked, but it wasn’t much worse than any other pictures that I have seen before! What the viewers of this picture, and in particular those who reacted in quite a sensational way, didn’t see was the whole scene, what led up to it, and afterwards. What they didn’t do was talk to the young man and hear his happiness. What they didn’t see was the look in his eyes and see the obvious enjoyment and pleasure. What they didn’t do was to talk to his boyfriend who told us how pleased he was to have had the session. What they didn’t realise was that this was his kink, and this was him enjoying it with the aid of others, without any comment or criticism.
Just plain and simple – Respect other people’s kink!