I recently had the pleasure of hearing Mollena Williams speak candidly about her life. From her first sexual stirrings as a child to her experiences in the scene in America. It was her early forays into Domination and submission that piqued her interest in the service aspect of submission. For her the very act of doing something for someone else, like running them a bath or going out to fetch them some breakfast, was a really big turn on, making her want to go above and beyond was requested of her because of the amazing feeling and reward it gave her.
For me, Mollena stands as a great inspiration in the BDSM world. She has a wide experience of the scene, and has truly found who she is. She is intelligent, confident and proud. She is happy to share her experiences and knowledge with others. She knows she is submissive and a slave and can trace back through her life and see where service has been part of the very core of her. To me she is a natural submissive.
I like to think that I can do the same, although I certainly don’t have the same experiences as Mollena, but I can certainly look back on my life and see where acts of service have been prominent features in my journey so far. From organising Christmas parties at work, to caring for relatives, there are so many examples of service that stick out in my memory because they were actions that made me happy.
I’m not sure how much my upbringing in a catholic family, has influenced the way I behave. Being good, thinking about others first, sharing and trying to do the right thing were just natural things for me to do. It just a natural way to behave, and hopefully that’s the impression I have given people and still do. That’s not to say that anyone who was not raised as a catholic is not a nice person!, or is any different in their behavior. It’s just that I think having religion as part of your life as a child can have an impact on how you behave. For me it means that I am conscious of those around me and am focused on making them feel comfortable and welcome. Making a point to be nice is not something that I particularly think about it’s just how I am, although if I am having a bad day, it’s probably the first thing to go out of the window, but then I am only human and to err is to be human.
A lot of what I do as a slave is service orientated. As I have mentioned before I look after the running of the household, my Master and his kids, and that pretty much fills my day. One area that Mollena touched on was her motivation – why does she do it, and it’s the great satisfaction she takes from the service, knowing that what she has done with her time, has made her Masters day a little easier. So what do I get out of it? Well I suppose the same sense of satisfaction from seeing a job well done, a job that now does not need to be done by my Master. Although there is a part of me, you know that bit that wants to be always perfect, forces me forward to do just that little bit more, edging me closer to what I think is a perfect slave.
Hmm the perfect slave! I suppose we all have an image of what that person must be like. We have all read peoples diaries on the internet, or maybe looked on jealously at someones “perfect” behavior towards their dominant at a party, or maybe even taken to heart some comment made, meant not as a criticism just an observation, yet it sticks with you as a nagging reminder that you are not perfect. All of these add up to creating a picture of that ultimate ideal person that we aspire to be.
Unfortunately this comparison to others just leads to more self-doubt and maybe even bitterness. I am guilty of it myself, by setting goals that are totally unrealistic. In my pursuit to be perfect, the job and end goal can become more important than the actual service. It’s easy to lose myself, and my real reason for doing what I do – serving my Master.
Thankfully all the tips and knowledge that I have picked up from my mother are now being put to use. Somehow all that persistence on her part to get me to do chores around the house has somehow infused me with the skills I need on a day-to-day basis. What better way to use my natural talents than by using them to please my Master, and keep me busy, after all the devil makes work for idle hands!
I try to allow what I do to come naturally, and not to force it. By allowing myself to be me, I can be myself not some artificial being based on that skewed image of perfection I have built up for myself, or even those elusive ideals that some people claim that every good submissive should live up to.
By being myself I can concentrate on what is important – making my Master’s life more easy. It’s not like I have to think constantly and keep it ever-present in my mind like a mantra, “I do this to please my Master, I do this to please my Master”. To do that is to force the service, and by allowing it to happen naturally encourages the flow and encourages one act of service to follow another more easily. Of course, when I am struggling for some reason, or maybe I’m doing something that I don’t really enjoy, thinking about my motivation helps, it pushes me on to complete the task because it reminds me of the satisfaction I will feel when it’s completed.
Another objective behind being natural in my submission means that my Master has a better chance of molding and guiding me to become the slave that suits him best. By listening to his advice and feedback allows me to complete a task in a way that pleases him, rather than by trying to do it “The perfect slave” way and ending up with something not quite meeting his needs and giving less satisfaction to both parties.
By being natural and honest about who we both are, allows the dominance and submission to flow between us more easily. We don’t pretend to be something we are not, and we certainly don’t follow anyone else’s idea of how a TPE relationship should be. Everyone has a unique way of living the lifestyle, and that’s what makes life so much more interesting. How boring would it be if everyone followed the same guidelines and rules. Everyone would be perfect and no mistakes would ever be made, what a boring world that would be.
It’s ok not to be perfect, because by focusing on that unobtainable ideal, it’s easy to lose sight of the journey itself. I realise now that being me is ok, and the person that this matters to the most – my Master – will help me find my path when I lose my way. It’s up to him to say if being me is not ok, if my attitude stinks or if I have made a mistake – that’s his job.
Give me the natural way, living each day as it comes, allowing the flow of our D/s relationship to take its own course. We deal with issues both good and bad as they happen, everything contributing to the natural rhythm of our life together.